MMR=Autism, Mercury fillings=MS???

I'm sure you all have heard about the "link" between the MMR vaccine and Autism.         [ Check out: http://tallguywrites.livejournal.com/148012.html  for more MMR/Autism info] More than a handful of parents feel the MMR vaccine was the cause of their child's Autism. I think as a fellow human being I can understand how a parent might need to blame it on something. How can a seemingly perfect baby suddenly be withdrawn and have other symptoms that apparently were not there prior to the MMR vaccine. Unfortunately, these parents are not likely to find a sympathetic ear from their pediatrician because the link just isn't there. Study after study has demonstrated absolutely no relationship between the vaccine and Autism. However, Autism becomes more apparent around the same time as when the MMR is due leading a parent to become suspicious.In reality subtle signs may have already been present.
Screening for autism occurs around 15 months but keep an eye out for warning signs: Does your baby smile and coo, do they notice when you leave the room, do they interact with siblings, what is their eye contact like?If anything concerns you bring it up to your medical provider.

Sooo...
Recently I heard from the Dr. Oz show how dental fillings can be linked to certain disorders.
The American Dental Association stands by amalgam fillings stating that

• "Dental amalgam is a safe, affordable material used to restore the teeth of over 100 million Americans...and has established a record of safety and effectiveness."

So now what? Most of us have at least one mercury filling. Do we rush to have it removed? The current recommendation is that  these fillings stay in place because the act of removing these fillings actually increases the exposure to mercury. Of course there are exceptions.
Considerations for dental amalgam removal:

1. Patients who have recurrent decay and/or defective margins around their dental amalgam fillings. 
2. Patients who have 8 or more dental amalgam fillings.
3. Patients who have exhibited an allergy or sensitivity to dental amalgam (lymphocyte proliferation test).
4. Patients who have bruxism (grind their teeth).*
5. Patients who consume high quantities of acidic foods and carbonated beverages.*

*demonstrated to cause prolonged higher levels of exposure to mercury vapor from dental amalgam restorations. from http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/dental-amalgam-mercury-contamination-and-what-you-need-know?page=2#copy

If you need a filling go for composite fillings (tooth colored). Be aware though, composite fillings may be a little more pricey (20% more than amalgam).

First MMR, now amalgam fillings. All these health concerns have arisen without  concrete answers for people who suffer from fatigue, difficulty with concentration, fibromyalgia, headache and even multiple sclerosis.

•  As a healthcare-type-person I can offer this advice: Be your own advocate. Read, read and read some more on your condition. Write down any questions you might have for your nurse practitioner or physician and grow that relationship, remember most healthcare types WANT to help.

While no link between vaccines and autism has been found, there seems to be a link between amalgam and some conditions -but not enough to have them removed from our reach. Further research is needed to decisively say what risks if any truly exist. It might be proven otherwise in the future, but for now, caution-not paranoia- is the word.

I am in no mood to think of a creative title

I'm sitting with a white towel wrapped around my head with hair far too dry. I should already be ready to go cuz the movie starts in 30 minutes. Really, I am in the middle of a long time coming break up. Being the idiot that I am I have tried to tell myself things will patch themselves up if I just give them a little more time. The shit hit the proverbial fan today. Truth be told it hit the fan early this month but it's been a slow steady stream of diarrhea just squirting out before the big bout today.
I'm moving out. it's devastating, I'm on auto pilot and truth be told I want to curl up and go to bed and cry. However, I have three kids who need me to try to keep it together and take them to see a movie.
One year later she moved out. Three months after that she married that man. She remains on autopilot.

I'm Still Here!

I'm not hiding.
Just laying low.
My son moved away
FAR, FAR AWAY

I miss him

I MISS him, like crazy. I miss him like the crazy bitch that I am.

since he left

my heart is heavy

I know I pushed him away
I can never get our relationship
where it should have been.
He needed a mother and I gave
him a fucking bitch!
I see the pictures when he was a baby, a toddler. He is so happy.
Then he is not.
You will blame me as most kids blame their mother, only in your case, I cannot deny you.

Take me away

 I am so greatful  for my children. I know it sounds trite. If it wasn't for them, I know my purpose on this earth would be done. In fact, there are days I don't know how I can possibly manage another minute. Of course then I'm reminded how blessed I really I am.

In the past I have prayed for my time to come to an end, as selfish as it sounds. To be real honest it has been on more than one occasion. 

I remember one day when I had my baby of only a few months. I couldn't see the light of day even on the sunniest day. I was in the grips of depression, only then I didn't know what it was. 

 I prayed and prayed for god to take me. I could not bear the loneliness of a strange town, a new baby and a monster of a husband.

One sunny spring day, I bundled my son up in his little carrier and we went to the pier. The sun was bright. I pushed his buggy down the pier and sat facing away from the water. The sun was shining on us for what felt like hours. I think we needed that. It must of warmed our souls.  He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. That day, I knew. 

The sun no longer shines for me.

To this day remember that sunny day on the pier when darkness falls on my heart. 

Queen of DeNial

There are days that I want to put all this behind me. None of it really happened. How could I have been that depressed?
I am a happy go lucky, silly, woman, that likes to sing, dance and pretend to be a socialite.
There are even times I doubt why I take medication. After all, I mean, I feel fine. I am healthy.
Healthy people don't take medications. Right?
DENIAL
DENIAL
DENIAL
I accept that these are not medications. They are simply vitamins to keep me healthy. Keep me going.
Part of a routine.
Like a person with high blood pressure takes them to control the blood pressure and in the end prevent a stroke.My meds prevent me from going there.That cold, dark place, where no one should ever go. The place where sleep is never enough. The place where the sun can never shine bright enough. We're all familiar with that place.
No other choice but to continue to take my vitamins to stay healthy.