I'm Perfect

In every way, I'm perfect. Perfection is defined by me.
I cannot make mistakes. Mistakes terrify me. The world may implode
may I ever make a mistake. Of course I won't because I am Perfect. My sister
would always tell me so. Little Ms. Perfect, she would call me. I think she
was jealous, still is if you ask me.

If someone, ever points out that I could be mistaken, incomplete or short on details
I become very. very upset. Poised. But upset. My head silently blows into a million pieces.
My heart pounds out of every artery. I smile. I ask "really? " I blink quickly to pull back my tears
of anger. My thoughts of my shattered mind race. How is this possible, how could I have let this slip, why didn't I prepare. I feel the need to scream, go into a violent rage, instead I stand there staring blankly, with a stupid grin. Then I shut down.

Taking the the perceived criticism. I should have done it better. I failed. My perfection is flawed.
My frosting is cracked. My botox needs renewing. My polish is chipped. I have a cavity.

The juggling act...take 2

Doing laundry, organizing the pantry, sweeping the floor, planning and cooking dinner, spending time with my four year old, having time to blog about spending time with my four year old, coloring with her, is so very nice. These are moments that I don't get to do very often because I'm either stuck doing homework, something that I'm resenting more and more as the semester goes on, or I'm at work dealing with an administration that doesn't care about the patients much less about their staff and being there I resent a whole lot, although the people I work with make it tolerable and worthwhile and the patients well, God bless them, that's why we all get up in the morning. Anyway, these past few days that I have had with my children and my guy have made me re re re re evaluate my priorities. I don't have to work with the mad fury that I have been, granted we want to get out of debt sooner rather than later, of course I want new flooring, and new dishes, a new couch would be nice too, plus I enjoy going out to dinner often, Botox, waxing, manicures, pedicures, designer purses and shoes are nice but not necessities and I can do with out for a little more time with my kids and my dude...I am scheduled to have a tummy tuck in January and have been putting money down on it, so I guess I need to make payments...hmmm

Honestly, I'm not even sure I want my masters degree just now, plus I'm under a great deal of pressure to find my own clinical site and to complete the program by 2011 because it's the last cohort for my university. Sigh. I'm not even sure I want to get my degree in this specialty. I sure hope it is only a phase.