Dr's Orders

So, today I went to see a weight loss specialist. An actual physician who specializes on this stuff. My friend and I amazed by another friends results decided to bite the bullet and go check it out. Mind you we have been working out. I have been going over to her house and doing the P90X workout and I have been doing something else in the evening, racquetball or treadmill or Zumba or yoga or whatever.
Anyway we go see this doctor we step on the fat-o-meter she has 15 pounds of fat to lose and her BMI is around 30. I have 70 pounds to lose and my BMI is 49. Holy crap. The program is explained we decide to enroll. Basically it's a shot of b12 and some super other stuff per week, some chromium and some super diuretic, plus a stimulant. The jerk off doctor doesn't know I'm a nurse, doesn't know I'm already on a stimulant oh and by the way this damn stimulant interacts with my other meds I'm taking to keep me slightly less neurotic than I naturally am. So naturally he gives me a lower dose. :) problem solved NOT. After giving us the nice bag full of supplements he proceeds to tell us about the DIET the 1200/calorie/day DIET :) I ask doctor, wouldn't we lose weight on 1200 cals a day ANYWAY without the supplements. He says "no" The injection, supplement and diet is the perfection combination for weight loss. Yeah right.

Like I said NO MAGIC BULLET just diet and exercise. I might go for the b12 shot because of the energy boost, not once a week as he recommends, but once a month. I left a little annoyed but we enjoyed salad and bread sticks at Olive Garden Yum, And tomorrow we shall work out and my skinny friend can bitch about her little loaf of Fat while I moan about my mountains of fat rolls and drink Starbucks and laugh at the Real housewives of orange county reruns. :D no magic bullet doc, good try though.

YARRGGG ok so here it is!!

I said I wasn't! But here I am anyway!!!stooopid resolutions!
Forget everything I said before about not doing them...here it is people.

So I'm thinking and plotting. I call my girlfriend Shanie up. We decide we're gonna workout at 9 AM after dropping our kids off at school. Our Goal? to lose 10 percent of our body weight. There has to be an incentive right? So we're gonna treat ourselves...nope, no ice cream or lava food cake here! Our treat?

Have you ever wished your hair was more manageable? Softer? Straighter? Had more shine? The Salon at ULTA has an answer: Keratin Smoothing Treatment by Coppola.

(not pushing ulta, promise)

To understand the need of this procedure one must be looking at this monstrosity as it types. My roots are over grown by AT LEAST one inch with wirier greys sticking out, my flat iron is SCARED to touch my hair at this point. I am in desperate need people. My next step is a do rag or one of those little barrettes the artists wear...hmmm that's an idea.

I want to also document to fatness to not so fattylicious but this is your warning. you will be shocked. and possibly say "oh no she didn't show off the cottage cheese inside those stretch marks!"

Viewer beware. Umm next time.I will brave the scale in about an hour for an accurate PRE-WEIGHT yikes.

Happy New Fantastic Year!!!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic day and a great start to the new year! Can you believe it's 2010????
I'm trying not to freak out and remain calm. So, okay it means it's time to bring out the new calendars, no big deal, right? BUT, we have been conditioned to SET resolutions.
Like last year I resolved not to be so dang judgemental. it worked for about 6 months, then here I am casting judgement on everything and everyone that deems it! So I wonder is it even worth it???
I won't resolve to lose weight this year. I'm wanting to get my cholesterol down, but do I really need a new year to do that? I want to get healthier, be a better mom, read more often, laugh harder, on and on but will switching calenders be the magic bullet I've been looking for or is it a placebo that makes it easier to start these plans with? Okay so here we go with all these resolutions, yet again. Maybe this will be the year I do become a better person with a better cholesterol level?!?

Oh by the way..here is an update on the Damn Cat. She totally melts my heart and I love her so much. Her name I think is Kitty. She doesn't like baths but she needs them especially when she runs outside and rolls around on the concrete. She loves being held in the towel after her bath!

(I'm trying to smile but the right side of my right face is still paralyzed with the Bells Palsy. I truly am NOT being a smart ass! )

Bell's Palsy

Minor set back:


A couple days ago I had a bit of a sore throat no big deal, I didn't even take anything as it wasn't so bad to merit medicine. That night my right ear and right side of my neck were throbbing so bad I took a big dose of motrin and couldn't sleep in bed! Well all of Friday I complained to my dude about my ear and neck, popped motrin and tylenol, my dude warmed a heating pad for comfort and pain relieve.


Alright so Saturday we woke up early to hit Walmart for the Christmas 50% off sale and can I say we got a purple lit tree (the last one) for 7 bucks oh yeah! I had been eye balling it for weeks.
So anyway after we got home more motrin, heating pad again and I laid down because I was scheduled for a 16 hour shift beginning at 3 pm. I woke up still in pain but it was manageable so I was getting ready for my shift, the strangest sensation happened to my face. My entire right side felt as if it was lifted and something was keeping me from blinking. A very strange sensation. I went in to work with my right side (face) paralyzed (palsy means weakness or paralysis). It was getting worse I wasn't able to rub my lips together to apply my cranberry shade of lipstick, oh oh. I had to hold my eye shut to apply my Mary Kay bronze shade of eye liner, when usually that stuff just glides on, yesterday it was frustrating.


I got to work and three nurses assess me (fantastic nurses, fabulous friends) and am "diagnosed" with a possible stroke to Bells Palsy. Ok so I get sent to ER. Blah. Get examined and a CT scan


Diagnosed with Bell's : NIH says this is a temporary form of facial paralysis and usually caused by some sort of viral infection. Resolves in 2-3 weeks with steroids and antiviral meds.


Taking motrin for my neck. Tape over my eye because it does not blink. My nose does not flare, I cannot smile fully oh and I'm drooling. Lovely.


The good news, it's temporary and it is not a stroke, my brain is fine, well so they say :P

One Bonbon's Guide to Gym Etiquette

1. Do not look at the fatty on the elliptical machine (aka, me). I only appear to be smiling at you but in reality it's a scowl, how dare you interrupt the breathing process by smiling? Just like Walking and chewing gum, HA!

2. Wipe down all machines used. I do mean wipe down. Completely.
People, for goodness sakes, Even if you're on for 15 minutes there is sweat coming from the forehead, various facial areas, including the NOSE, the back, oh yes how can I forget the drops of sweat flying off you when you turn to see if anyone saw you pick your nose, or pull out your underwear from your nether regions and try to, how should I say..fix your sanitary lady napkin per se, that by the way is now bulging out like a turd coming out of your pink Lycra shorts that are sweat stained right in the middle of your butt cheeks. Men; you do not get off that easily please refrain from scratching your male ding dongers while your on the machines. May I advise on some sort of anti-jock itch powder? Also, there is a stretching area, there is NO need to do so ON the machines, please realize this is awkward because your too short shorts often expose your ding dongers to the fat lady. Anyway! Please, please. Wipe down the machines with the provided spray and towels THOROUGHLY because the fatty in the back sees ALL and secretly Criticizes ALL.

3. The gym should never smell like a nursing home. When it does one of two things need to happen. 1) Time to impose some sort of restriction where those requiring the use of briefs, ventilators or other medical equipment come in during certain times of day or 2) get a better ventilation system. This method would be preferable by the way. Although I would like to say I don't want to see those grannies working out with their depends underwear hauling their oxygen tanks around it kinda makes me half smile, except when they do more reps than me, then I scowl at them and their stinky-ness.

4. Do not criticize what I listen to during my workout! If you can hear it, then you're not focused enough on your own workout. By the way I only have it on 12 decibels and if you can hear it consider yourself blessed cuz it's the perfect blend from warm up to cool down:
LMFAO: I'm in Miami Trick (I'm here, on the machine, warming up, let's go)
Black Eyes Peas: Boom Boom Pow (hell yeah, my heart is pu-uh-mpin, that's what counts!)
Pitbull: Culo ( Culo=ass I don't want a big one, I need motivation)
White Zombie: I'm you're Boogie Man ( I don't want to be a boogie man! )
LL Cool J: Mama Said Knock You Out (that's right Grannie! )
OutKast: Ghetto Musick ( I'm groovin, I'm groovin)
Ying Yang Twins: Shake ( Shakin my boootie, I can do this~ I better )
GodSmack: Whatever ( will my time be up soon???)
Theory of a DeadMan: Bad Girl Friend (Cuz my dude better realize I'm bad~ass)
Linkin Park: Given Up (I want to!)
The Cranberries: Zombie (cuz by now i'm feeling like one!)

Okay so I think that's it for now...I expect this list to grow as my experiences continue to grow. I'm so glad to be back at the gym. umm gyms. as a family we have 3 memberships but expect to be cutting down to 2 ASAP. We have the nice membership for my dude and I at the regular gym,I suspect I don't need this one. The YMCA membership for the family, that one I plan on keeping for the kids sports and group classes, plus my dude and oldest son enjoy swimming. Then there is the Curves membership, though not impressed with the 9 AM smell, I have been successful with it so I guess I'll keep it too.

I weighed in my first day back at curves and boy was it sticker shock! 232 mother F@#^! Say what??? I stepped on he scale again could you believe it had the audacity to read the same thing!!! So the next day I went in and with my trainer I stepped on the scale 233 and did some measurements. I said I was one pound heavier than the day before. She said it was my muscle memory coming back :/
muscle memory??? WHAT? I would have been OK with water retention, maybe I ate more that day? muscle memory? I thought the memory was in the brain. Go figure.

The workout after my weigh-in was not easy. I felt like elephant lady going from station to station. My Huge body barely able to make the 30 second intervals, mind you it was all in my head, my body felt fine, yes my reps were down from the last time but my mind was definitely playing tricks on me!

2010 I will NOT resolve to lose weight, but I will resolve to get my cholesterol down 12 points
So I set a mini goal of 4 workouts for this week, which I have done! I must get back to Healthy!

What are some of your Gym pet peeves and have you thought about your new years resolutions?