Thursday, October 22, 2009

The yo-yo diet remix

I admit it. I'm notorious. Notorious for being on a diet. I have done Weight Watchers twice, Atkins at least three times, L.A. Diet, Master Cleanse, South Beach, fat free, low fat, no fat, all fat, on and on and yes I have been successful to some degree on many of these diets. So... Here i am again. Slowly creeping up the scale, pushing up that scary little needle on the scale up up up! My jeans are fitting tighter and my button up dress that I have yet to wear is way,way, way too tight!

I've lost 57 pounds, well let me correct that, I did loose 57 pounds by watching my diet and faithfully going to Curves in the morning, then I got bored with year later I've gained 12 pounds back. I want to loose 31 more pounds.


Well, I have the answer, yes I sure do! As a matter of fact, it's not even a secret. Diet and exercise, oh did I forget patience?

I have been working out, eating less (I miss junk food!) and trying to be patient with the scale for three entire days now. I must get rid of these 12 pounds, I'm just SO shocked it hasn't melted right off in these three days!

The more I remind myself I'm dieting the hungrier I get, dang! What's a fat girl to do? I need a chocolate shake!

I honestly don't expect to be supermodel thin... just stop traffic gorgeous. I know that's not too much to ask for. In reality, I just want to fit into a size 10, I know it sounds huge for many. A size 10!!! "Honey! That's still the size of half a heffer!" Yeah, well I've never been a skinny girl, and I love food. I betcha I could look pretty rocken hot in a size 10. So onward on this plight of well being. I know if I keep this up in November I can read this post and be glad I started to order the small shake instead of the X-large.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The juggling act...take 2

Doing laundry, organizing the pantry, sweeping the floor, planning and cooking dinner, spending time with my four year old, having time to blog about spending time with my four year old, coloring with her, is so very nice. These are moments that I don't get to do very often because I'm either stuck doing homework, something that I'm resenting more and more as the semester goes on, or I'm at work dealing with an administration that doesn't care about the patients much less about their staff and being there I resent a whole lot, although the people I work with make it tolerable and worthwhile and the patients well, God bless them, that's why we all get up in the morning. Anyway, these past few days that I have had with my children and my guy have made me re re re re evaluate my priorities. I don't have to work with the mad fury that I have been, granted we want to get out of debt sooner rather than later, of course I want new flooring, and new dishes, a new couch would be nice too, plus I enjoy going out to dinner often, Botox, waxing, manicures, pedicures, designer purses and shoes are nice but not necessities and I can do with out for a little more time with my kids and my dude...I am scheduled to have a tummy tuck in January and have been putting money down on it, so I guess I need to make payments...hmmm

Honestly, I'm not even sure I want my masters degree just now, plus I'm under a great deal of pressure to find my own clinical site and to complete the program by 2011 because it's the last cohort for my university. Sigh. I'm not even sure I want to get my degree in this specialty. I sure hope it is only a phase.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

not blu today

Have you ever noticed how easy it can be to be happy? I mean it feel so good to smile and laugh and interact with happy people. I love my happy days when I can lay in bed at the end of the day and think of the good things that happened. My daughters laughter echoes in my ears, my sons' smiles etched in my mind. There is just something magical to happy moments. If happiness had a scent to it it would smell like rain, or cotton candy, maybe an alcohol wipe, I'm not sure. For a few years now I've needed medication to get me out of the darkness of depression, now I'm seeing some rays of light, maybe it is only the antidepressants. I wont lie to myself, there are days maybe hours that the clouds gloom and threaten to come down again but for the most part they leave fairly quick. I'm hoping to find a support group in my town for depression, I don't ever, ever want to feel that blue again.
I feel so much better, The smiles that were just a year ago feigned are becoming real. I can set goals again.
I live for happiness even if its transient at this point I'll take it.