Getting older and fatter ungracefully

So my dude and I are driving back from the eye doctor after his eye check(he had cataract removal surgery last week and everything seems to have gone well)and of course he's driving and showing off he's newly found 20/20 vision.
During the ride home, the morning sun caught and highlighted his beautiful smile lines and the way his long eyelashes come together when he smiles. I pulled down the mirror and remembered us almost a decade ago. Wow, time has changed us. I too have changed. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. On the outside, I look like I've been through hell. I look like a woman twice my age. My dude has some health problems, and between us, i struggle with this.
I see he notices the extra weight on me and he never ever says a negative thing about it (he's gracious enough). However it has an impact on our relationship at every level.
There is a big age difference. I used to pretend not to notice, I was gracious enough. As of late I have been nasty about it. The difference is 25 years. Before you ask, there is no gold to be dug. He is a genuine good person with a good heart. We were best friends before anything else. We were separated by at least 1400 miles and would have long conversations, mainly about me, but still. I feel like I have let him down. I should be this gorgeous woman, a trophy. Not because he demands this or expects this. But isn't this why men go with younger women? I am insecure about my weight for sure, I am more insecure of my wrinkles and feeling so old.
Some things are inevitable, age is one of them. Honestly, I never thought this age thing would happen to me.

YARRGGG ok so here it is!!

I said I wasn't! But here I am anyway!!!stooopid resolutions!
Forget everything I said before about not doing them...here it is people.

So I'm thinking and plotting. I call my girlfriend Shanie up. We decide we're gonna workout at 9 AM after dropping our kids off at school. Our Goal? to lose 10 percent of our body weight. There has to be an incentive right? So we're gonna treat ourselves...nope, no ice cream or lava food cake here! Our treat?

Have you ever wished your hair was more manageable? Softer? Straighter? Had more shine? The Salon at ULTA has an answer: Keratin Smoothing Treatment by Coppola.

(not pushing ulta, promise)

To understand the need of this procedure one must be looking at this monstrosity as it types. My roots are over grown by AT LEAST one inch with wirier greys sticking out, my flat iron is SCARED to touch my hair at this point. I am in desperate need people. My next step is a do rag or one of those little barrettes the artists wear...hmmm that's an idea.

I want to also document to fatness to not so fattylicious but this is your warning. you will be shocked. and possibly say "oh no she didn't show off the cottage cheese inside those stretch marks!"

Viewer beware. Umm next time.I will brave the scale in about an hour for an accurate PRE-WEIGHT yikes.

The yo-yo diet remix

I admit it. I'm notorious. Notorious for being on a diet. I have done Weight Watchers twice, Atkins at least three times, L.A. Diet, Master Cleanse, South Beach, fat free, low fat, no fat, all fat, on and on and yes I have been successful to some degree on many of these diets. So... Here i am again. Slowly creeping up the scale, pushing up that scary little needle on the scale up up up! My jeans are fitting tighter and my button up dress that I have yet to wear is way,way, way too tight!

I've lost 57 pounds, well let me correct that, I did loose 57 pounds by watching my diet and faithfully going to Curves in the morning, then I got bored with it...one year later I've gained 12 pounds back. I want to loose 31 more pounds.


HOW AM I EVER GOING TO LOOSE ALL THIS WEIGHT!!!!

Well, I have the answer, yes I sure do! As a matter of fact, it's not even a secret. Diet and exercise, oh did I forget patience?


I have been working out, eating less (I miss junk food!) and trying to be patient with the scale for three entire days now. I must get rid of these 12 pounds, I'm just SO shocked it hasn't melted right off in these three days!


The more I remind myself I'm dieting the hungrier I get, dang! What's a fat girl to do? I need a chocolate shake!


I honestly don't expect to be supermodel thin... just stop traffic gorgeous. I know that's not too much to ask for. In reality, I just want to fit into a size 10, I know it sounds huge for many. A size 10!!! "Honey! That's still the size of half a heffer!" Yeah, well I've never been a skinny girl, and I love food. I betcha I could look pretty rocken hot in a size 10. So onward on this plight of well being. I know if I keep this up in November I can read this post and be glad I started to order the small shake instead of the X-large.