I am so greatful for my children. I know it sounds trite. If it wasn't for them, I know my purpose on this earth would be done. In fact, there are days I don't know how I can possibly manage another minute. Of course then I'm reminded how blessed I really I am.
In the past I have prayed for my time to come to an end, as selfish as it sounds. To be real honest it has been on more than one occasion.
I remember one day when I had my baby of only a few months. I couldn't see the light of day even on the sunniest day. I was in the grips of depression, only then I didn't know what it was.
I prayed and prayed for god to take me. I could not bear the loneliness of a strange town, a new baby and a monster of a husband.
One sunny spring day, I bundled my son up in his little carrier and we went to the pier. The sun was bright. I pushed his buggy down the pier and sat facing away from the water. The sun was shining on us for what felt like hours. I think we needed that. It must of warmed our souls. He was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. That day, I knew.
The sun no longer shines for me.
To this day remember that sunny day on the pier when darkness falls on my heart.