Sunday, December 27, 2009

Bell's Palsy

Minor set back:

A couple days ago I had a bit of a sore throat no big deal, I didn't even take anything as it wasn't so bad to merit medicine. That night my right ear and right side of my neck were throbbing so bad I took a big dose of motrin and couldn't sleep in bed! Well all of Friday I complained to my dude about my ear and neck, popped motrin and tylenol, my dude warmed a heating pad for comfort and pain relieve.

Alright so Saturday we woke up early to hit Walmart for the Christmas 50% off sale and can I say we got a purple lit tree (the last one) for 7 bucks oh yeah! I had been eye balling it for weeks.
So anyway after we got home more motrin, heating pad again and I laid down because I was scheduled for a 16 hour shift beginning at 3 pm. I woke up still in pain but it was manageable so I was getting ready for my shift, the strangest sensation happened to my face. My entire right side felt as if it was lifted and something was keeping me from blinking. A very strange sensation. I went in to work with my right side (face) paralyzed (palsy means weakness or paralysis). It was getting worse I wasn't able to rub my lips together to apply my cranberry shade of lipstick, oh oh. I had to hold my eye shut to apply my Mary Kay bronze shade of eye liner, when usually that stuff just glides on, yesterday it was frustrating.

I got to work and three nurses assess me (fantastic nurses, fabulous friends) and am "diagnosed" with a possible stroke to Bells Palsy. Ok so I get sent to ER. Blah. Get examined and a CT scan

Diagnosed with Bell's : NIH says this is a temporary form of facial paralysis and usually caused by some sort of viral infection. Resolves in 2-3 weeks with steroids and antiviral meds.

Taking motrin for my neck. Tape over my eye because it does not blink. My nose does not flare, I cannot smile fully oh and I'm drooling. Lovely.

The good news, it's temporary and it is not a stroke, my brain is fine, well so they say :P

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

One Bonbon's Guide to Gym Etiquette

1. Do not look at the fatty on the elliptical machine (aka, me). I only appear to be smiling at you but in reality it's a scowl, how dare you interrupt the breathing process by smiling? Just like Walking and chewing gum, HA!

2. Wipe down all machines used. I do mean wipe down. Completely.
People, for goodness sakes, Even if you're on for 15 minutes there is sweat coming from the forehead, various facial areas, including the NOSE, the back, oh yes how can I forget the drops of sweat flying off you when you turn to see if anyone saw you pick your nose, or pull out your underwear from your nether regions and try to, how should I say..fix your sanitary lady napkin per se, that by the way is now bulging out like a turd coming out of your pink Lycra shorts that are sweat stained right in the middle of your butt cheeks. Men; you do not get off that easily please refrain from scratching your male ding dongers while your on the machines. May I advise on some sort of anti-jock itch powder? Also, there is a stretching area, there is NO need to do so ON the machines, please realize this is awkward because your too short shorts often expose your ding dongers to the fat lady. Anyway! Please, please. Wipe down the machines with the provided spray and towels THOROUGHLY because the fatty in the back sees ALL and secretly Criticizes ALL.

3. The gym should never smell like a nursing home. When it does one of two things need to happen. 1) Time to impose some sort of restriction where those requiring the use of briefs, ventilators or other medical equipment come in during certain times of day or 2) get a better ventilation system. This method would be preferable by the way. Although I would like to say I don't want to see those grannies working out with their depends underwear hauling their oxygen tanks around it kinda makes me half smile, except when they do more reps than me, then I scowl at them and their stinky-ness.

4. Do not criticize what I listen to during my workout! If you can hear it, then you're not focused enough on your own workout. By the way I only have it on 12 decibels and if you can hear it consider yourself blessed cuz it's the perfect blend from warm up to cool down:
LMFAO: I'm in Miami Trick (I'm here, on the machine, warming up, let's go)
Black Eyes Peas: Boom Boom Pow (hell yeah, my heart is pu-uh-mpin, that's what counts!)
Pitbull: Culo ( Culo=ass I don't want a big one, I need motivation)
White Zombie: I'm you're Boogie Man ( I don't want to be a boogie man! )
LL Cool J: Mama Said Knock You Out (that's right Grannie! )
OutKast: Ghetto Musick ( I'm groovin, I'm groovin)
Ying Yang Twins: Shake ( Shakin my boootie, I can do this~ I better )
GodSmack: Whatever ( will my time be up soon???)
Theory of a DeadMan: Bad Girl Friend (Cuz my dude better realize I'm bad~ass)
Linkin Park: Given Up (I want to!)
The Cranberries: Zombie (cuz by now i'm feeling like one!)

Okay so I think that's it for now...I expect this list to grow as my experiences continue to grow. I'm so glad to be back at the gym. umm gyms. as a family we have 3 memberships but expect to be cutting down to 2 ASAP. We have the nice membership for my dude and I at the regular gym,I suspect I don't need this one. The YMCA membership for the family, that one I plan on keeping for the kids sports and group classes, plus my dude and oldest son enjoy swimming. Then there is the Curves membership, though not impressed with the 9 AM smell, I have been successful with it so I guess I'll keep it too.

I weighed in my first day back at curves and boy was it sticker shock! 232 mother F@#^! Say what??? I stepped on he scale again could you believe it had the audacity to read the same thing!!! So the next day I went in and with my trainer I stepped on the scale 233 and did some measurements. I said I was one pound heavier than the day before. She said it was my muscle memory coming back :/
muscle memory??? WHAT? I would have been OK with water retention, maybe I ate more that day? muscle memory? I thought the memory was in the brain. Go figure.

The workout after my weigh-in was not easy. I felt like elephant lady going from station to station. My Huge body barely able to make the 30 second intervals, mind you it was all in my head, my body felt fine, yes my reps were down from the last time but my mind was definitely playing tricks on me!

2010 I will NOT resolve to lose weight, but I will resolve to get my cholesterol down 12 points
So I set a mini goal of 4 workouts for this week, which I have done! I must get back to Healthy!

What are some of your Gym pet peeves and have you thought about your new years resolutions?

Friday, November 27, 2009

I'm greatful for:

All in no particular order:

1. My kids! (though sometimes I just want them to look pretty and hit their mute button, but I
still can't find it!!!)

2. The dude in my life, yeah you know who you are. You have the luxury of laying next to this gorgeous beast every night and pretend you don't notice the puffy eyes in the morning, or any sort of ummm, gas exchange that may or MAY NOT occur in the middle of the night.

3. I'm also glad that I may have passed the semester, though I'm still keeping my fingers crossed as I admit I may have not put in all of my soul into my work, I will settle for a B average (I'm more of a 3.5-3.8 type of gal but ehh B will do nicely this time.)

4. I'm grateful that I have a core of fucking great friends, that accept me regardless of me neurotic symptoms.

5. I'm thankful for the $7.86 in my bank account that is left after all is said and done this month. (Starbucks, see you tomorrow! I can totally score a venti macchiato!)

6. I'm ever so thankful that I ONLY gained back 20 pounds of the 57 pounds I lost last year, trust me it could have been way worse with the amounts of coco puffs I consumed (shit, what the hell!!!)

7. I'm thankful that I can write this blog in a country that lets me post this shit up without fear of censorship, or fear of getting my head cut off, my fingers mutilated, or my eyes gouged out for having an opinion about gratitute, living out of wed lock, drinking, oh yes I'm greatful for that too. (though honestly women still have a way to go in the workplace...just sayin)

8. I'm greatful for all the little things that I don't think about/worry about on a regular basis like changing the batteries in the remote or kids toys (except the ones with the little screws DAMN I hate those, thanks my dude for taking care of those) and like electricity and laundry and like silly stuff that people in other countries struggle for, I feel blessed. Wow maybe I'm not that shallow after all... oh damn I chipped my nail!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

So it's still a damn cat!

So about two weeks ago this stray cat peers through the double french doors in our living room. Me, like the animal lover that I am (though note I HATE, ((maybe even despise?)) cats, they think they are superior to humans, you know )I slowly open one of the doors and ever so slowly does this ugly grayish, dusty fur ball come in. I'm thinking it's still a younger cat maybe a kitten given it's small size. I warm up some milk and give it to it, that thing slurped it up so fast! My kids then woke up and this creature hid and as soon as I opened the door it fled.

Well at the end of dinner guess who was back peering its little beady eyes through the kitchen door? Yup the damn cat, this time my dude opens the door and feeds it.

Long story short, the damn cat has SOMEHOW managed to find a home. Oh and after a bath turns out its more white than grey. It is actually a she, although we haven't formally named her, we've decided on Kitty or Thumper or October. She's very sweet, playful, clean and loving. But damn! It's a damn cat...but maybe I'll make an exception for this one cute adorable cat.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A broken heart

I just got back from dropping off my son at school. I've noticed for the past few weeks Morgan's mommy hasn't been there. Morgan's mommy was nice, quiet and dared to somewhat befriend this beast of a not a morning person. We would talk about how awful our kids' teacher is and how we should change them. Well a few weeks ago I didn't see Morgan or her mommy so I thought she did just that.

Today I saw Morgan and asked her how her mommy was. Her big blue eyes revealed her broken heart right in front of me. I didn't want her to say anything more. Her little lips trembled and out came the mommy died. Her face flat. What? I asked her, realizing I asked her to say those words again I quickly interrupted and said I was very sorry. What else can I say to a five year old little person who has undergone such tragedy?
I swept her hair away from her frozen face smiled and stepped back.

I looked at my son to see if he heard but he seemed oblivious. My heart is heavy and I wish I could take some of the heaviness away from Morgan.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Housewives Reunion and more!

I'm so excited and can't hardly wait for Thursday to get here! My good friend Shannie is hosting an Atlanta Housewives reunion and Real Housewives of Orange County Season 5 party!!! I'm so looking forward to it, we're both huge OC fans. I really didn't care for the Atlanta group until I found stuff in common with Kim out of all people! Yeah the girl's got issues but really who doesn't? So my girl Shannie is fixing herself up like Gretchen from the OC and I will somehow dress up like Kim...I'll take pics.

(Gretchen from OC)

The only thing is that she's making this vodka, cranberry, sugar I volunteered to bring the needs to be something sinful and delicious. So now I'm thinking, thinking, thinking of what to make (bake?) for our event...suggestions are most welcome! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!! Don't be tardy for the party oh oh oh ~~~

My diet is progressing slowly...very slowly...has it progressed? I'm giving up soda, I'm sitting here literally drinking the last coke in the house. This includes the diet stuff too. Making my kids give it up as well. I plan to decrease my chocolate intake. Notice I don't plan to give it up entirely, that would be insane! Also, I guess I will start going to Curves again...though it does get a little boring, it worked before.

So here it is in front of all of my three readers (thank you by the way!) and anyone who happens to stumble onto this blahhhg. (Stepping on the scale) I want to decrease 31 pounds all by the last days of January is this possible? I don't know, probably not, but it helps to have a goal in mind. DANG, why is this turning into a weight loss blog?

-----------------> Onward!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The yo-yo diet remix

I admit it. I'm notorious. Notorious for being on a diet. I have done Weight Watchers twice, Atkins at least three times, L.A. Diet, Master Cleanse, South Beach, fat free, low fat, no fat, all fat, on and on and yes I have been successful to some degree on many of these diets. So... Here i am again. Slowly creeping up the scale, pushing up that scary little needle on the scale up up up! My jeans are fitting tighter and my button up dress that I have yet to wear is way,way, way too tight!

I've lost 57 pounds, well let me correct that, I did loose 57 pounds by watching my diet and faithfully going to Curves in the morning, then I got bored with year later I've gained 12 pounds back. I want to loose 31 more pounds.


Well, I have the answer, yes I sure do! As a matter of fact, it's not even a secret. Diet and exercise, oh did I forget patience?

I have been working out, eating less (I miss junk food!) and trying to be patient with the scale for three entire days now. I must get rid of these 12 pounds, I'm just SO shocked it hasn't melted right off in these three days!

The more I remind myself I'm dieting the hungrier I get, dang! What's a fat girl to do? I need a chocolate shake!

I honestly don't expect to be supermodel thin... just stop traffic gorgeous. I know that's not too much to ask for. In reality, I just want to fit into a size 10, I know it sounds huge for many. A size 10!!! "Honey! That's still the size of half a heffer!" Yeah, well I've never been a skinny girl, and I love food. I betcha I could look pretty rocken hot in a size 10. So onward on this plight of well being. I know if I keep this up in November I can read this post and be glad I started to order the small shake instead of the X-large.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The juggling act...take 2

Doing laundry, organizing the pantry, sweeping the floor, planning and cooking dinner, spending time with my four year old, having time to blog about spending time with my four year old, coloring with her, is so very nice. These are moments that I don't get to do very often because I'm either stuck doing homework, something that I'm resenting more and more as the semester goes on, or I'm at work dealing with an administration that doesn't care about the patients much less about their staff and being there I resent a whole lot, although the people I work with make it tolerable and worthwhile and the patients well, God bless them, that's why we all get up in the morning. Anyway, these past few days that I have had with my children and my guy have made me re re re re evaluate my priorities. I don't have to work with the mad fury that I have been, granted we want to get out of debt sooner rather than later, of course I want new flooring, and new dishes, a new couch would be nice too, plus I enjoy going out to dinner often, Botox, waxing, manicures, pedicures, designer purses and shoes are nice but not necessities and I can do with out for a little more time with my kids and my dude...I am scheduled to have a tummy tuck in January and have been putting money down on it, so I guess I need to make payments...hmmm

Honestly, I'm not even sure I want my masters degree just now, plus I'm under a great deal of pressure to find my own clinical site and to complete the program by 2011 because it's the last cohort for my university. Sigh. I'm not even sure I want to get my degree in this specialty. I sure hope it is only a phase.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

not blu today

Have you ever noticed how easy it can be to be happy? I mean it feel so good to smile and laugh and interact with happy people. I love my happy days when I can lay in bed at the end of the day and think of the good things that happened. My daughters laughter echoes in my ears, my sons' smiles etched in my mind. There is just something magical to happy moments. If happiness had a scent to it it would smell like rain, or cotton candy, maybe an alcohol wipe, I'm not sure. For a few years now I've needed medication to get me out of the darkness of depression, now I'm seeing some rays of light, maybe it is only the antidepressants. I wont lie to myself, there are days maybe hours that the clouds gloom and threaten to come down again but for the most part they leave fairly quick. I'm hoping to find a support group in my town for depression, I don't ever, ever want to feel that blue again.
I feel so much better, The smiles that were just a year ago feigned are becoming real. I can set goals again.
I live for happiness even if its transient at this point I'll take it.