Thursday, September 16, 2010

Relationships suck!

Either Relationships SUCK or I suck at relationships. Either way, I'm finding them very obnoxious.
Truth be told, even over rated.

Example, we've all heard over half of marriages end in divorce. Well with those odds crap, pick a stranger and flip a coin. Heads it stands the test of time, infidelity, children and sagging boobs, not in that order necessarily but you get my point. Tails it's see you later but I get the house and the Mercedes - you get the bills and the ailing cat.
Oh!  Not to mention this method bypasses all the melodrama of dating. The what am I going to wear to meet your mother? What do you mean I'm not worthy of your folks? They live in a single wide on the outskirts of town! To the why didn't he call and why is he calling so much..and of course..when do I break it to him that I'm crazy and teetering on alcoholism to boot. If I'm lucky he will break the news first that's he's some horrible addicted gambler and is also addicted to online porn and I'll dump him tragically which will spin me into a deep depression for a week till I go into my next mania and go through a string of wild flings. Yes, this is love in my world. This type of relationship SUCKS eggs.

Friendship: Also, pretty sucky. I suck anyway. Other people seem to enjoy friends and frienships without issue. Not me. I complicate pretty much everything (read:Fuck up).
My longstanding friendship with my best friend I "complicated" by sleeping with him. Actually, that's how we met then became friends but then I slept with him then ahhh you get the point.
My girlfriends well it's complicated...all of them are.

Family: Didn't pick em. Not sure I want em. Stuck with em (?) more on them some other time

I have complicated my relationship of a few years with my best friend/boyfriend. He was used to rescuing me.He said he hasn't felt needed or wanted lately. We don't talk for hours anymore,somedays we only say a few words to each other, there isn't anymore confiding in each other anymore either, the intimacy is gone. The love runs deep, like color through a mountain. I walked in the room yesterday and wanted to hold him and love on him but the only thing that I could do was say "hey".
A few hours later we talked. We knew it was coming. Do we want this? No. Who wants this? No one wants to live in the shadow of resentment and coldness. I guess I saw it coming and knew something was missing. He begged and would always ask me to marry him when it was impossible for us to actually marry. Then it all stopped. Like a semi truck slamming on the breaks. I wondered why he didn't wanna marry me anymore. Did I gain one too many pounds? Was I suddenly too ugly? A bad cook?  poor housekeeper? The reality is that there were too many "hey's" instead of  I want you's.

Sadly, I stopped being that crazy young lady in need of rescuing and needing my knight in shinning armor he met  a decade ago. I have some how turned into this jagged insane wench that has learned to cope with the ups and downs of life despite of all the scars on her arms and in her heart.

I've blurred the line on what's worth keeping and what's worth fighting for. Keep me or throw me away, it doesn't seem to matter.

Yeah they do suck.


  1. Hmmm... I agree relationships are HARD. I mean, for me, when everything is perfect, I question when the other shoe will drop and find myself on guard or creating things to go crazy over. At least I keep all that stuff in my head ;). You would think aftr a certain amount of time this would stop, but ohhhh nooo, it doesn't. I make myself crazy. I've stopped blogging the crazy, but it still lurks. I really hope for you that you two figure something out. You deserve that peace. As far as friendships... I'm working on building new ones because I got rid of all of the bad ones about a year ago. Surround yourself with people who are good for YOU! :)

  2. I hear ya! When things are good I wonder "what is going on" or "what did he do" LOL! It's madness and I know it! Surrounding myself with good people? That's a new concept! :)


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