Farewell My sweet, sweet love

I have tried to part ways with you many times but like an addict I keep coming back to you. I have tried to leave you cold turkey, reducing the times I consume your sweetness, hell I have avoided you like the plague, avoiding social events where I knew you'd be. I've also taken you home and I've devoured you whole many-times in secret. You have wrecked havoc in my life and I keep taking you back. I'm guilty of  introducing you to my children at a young age. My love, you are my drug of choice.

Sugar, I'm talking to you.

I have tried and failed many times to diet, but it seems that my main triggers are sweets. When I put something-anything sweetened and/or processd in my mouth all bets are off. I go into full binge mode. I am addicted to sugar. It makes me happy. For a short while anyway because then I feel sad and then crave it again and again...I need the rush, the high.
There is no moderation with an alcoholic or a heroin addict. I know sugar is all around us and it would be ridiculous to say I'm cutting out completly, or is it? I'm going to give it a conscious try for a week and we'll see.

                         fresh fruit is sexy and sweet too!

Stripper in the bedroom

So I confess.

I turn the music full blast when I'm all alone and break out into some pretty slutty, sexy, make-my-mother-blush moves in the bedroom in front of the mirrow. My hips girate, my spine can snake up and down, my ass, oh my ass can wiggle and jiggle all sorts of ways...

So here is my dilema (You didn't think I would blog without a dilema did u?). WHY CAN'T I DANCE WHEN I GO TO MY ZUMBA CLASS???? Oh, FYI Zumba is an aerobic workout that mixes salsa, merenge, reggeton and cumbia, and it's a hell of a lot of fun! My spine fuses together so tight I literally feel like I have a stick up my ass. It's not due to pain, it's just self-consciousness! ARGGG I know everybody's there to do their own thing.

The Zumba moves aren't as bad as the moves I do in my bedroom, so why can't I just bust a move?

Looking around today I noticed...

You can observe a lot by just watching.
Yogi Berra


As I went around town doing my usual stuff I noticed little things that I usually don't notice. My right eye is really blurry and dried out from the inability to blink from the Bell's Palsy, this is week 4 and it's finally improving some.

Anyway, I have become more observant...a people watcher...I'm not going to say I criticize like I said a few blogs ago, because I didn't pass judgement, just watched people...

I started my day at the grocery store where I saw a man absolutely loose his temper because the tortilla machine was broken and his wife was going to yell at him for not bringing home fresh tortillas.
I then saw a young man (a store employee) nearly get burned from head to toe by lighting a huge oven with a tiny match. Lick his fingers, notice me, smile and go about his way.
A woman in her fifties(?) laughed like a school girl with her friend while picking onions.
A young mother was near tears as her husband yelled at her and woke their sleeping infant in the carrier tenderly placed on the cart.
The employees speak loud and fast in mixed languages.
There are two severely overweight women next to a thin woman in workout clothes, sunglasses, smiling and talking on the cell phone waiting by the meat counter. The women are leaning heavily on the prepackaged meats refrigerators and their butts are hanging over the ledge-just observing!

A man is receiving fellatio behind the pawn shop, I wonder what he paid.

There are a group of middle school boys crossing the street behind a girl and she seems nervous, luckily they turned left and she went straight.

A group of angry mothers arguing about who did more to organize the last PTA this that or the other, smile crookedly and rush to get my son.

Life can be hectic...even at a distance. Whew what a day!


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I'm so intresting I follow Myself!

How did I mange to do that? Seriously? I am following my own blog? Now that is UNCOOL! how do remove me from me???? He he. I'll figure it out, just kinda thought it was funny. Maybe I'll just leave it, in case I can't figure out how to remove myself from the follow list, then it will look like I left myself on purpose?

Wait what if there is another bluebonbon with the same profile pic? GASP! my long lost blog twin?
:D


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Getting older and fatter ungracefully

So my dude and I are driving back from the eye doctor after his eye check(he had cataract removal surgery last week and everything seems to have gone well)and of course he's driving and showing off he's newly found 20/20 vision.
During the ride home, the morning sun caught and highlighted his beautiful smile lines and the way his long eyelashes come together when he smiles. I pulled down the mirror and remembered us almost a decade ago. Wow, time has changed us. I too have changed. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. On the outside, I look like I've been through hell. I look like a woman twice my age. My dude has some health problems, and between us, i struggle with this.
I see he notices the extra weight on me and he never ever says a negative thing about it (he's gracious enough). However it has an impact on our relationship at every level.
There is a big age difference. I used to pretend not to notice, I was gracious enough. As of late I have been nasty about it. The difference is 25 years. Before you ask, there is no gold to be dug. He is a genuine good person with a good heart. We were best friends before anything else. We were separated by at least 1400 miles and would have long conversations, mainly about me, but still. I feel like I have let him down. I should be this gorgeous woman, a trophy. Not because he demands this or expects this. But isn't this why men go with younger women? I am insecure about my weight for sure, I am more insecure of my wrinkles and feeling so old.
Some things are inevitable, age is one of them. Honestly, I never thought this age thing would happen to me.

Physical therapy was umm nice.

My first day of physical therapy was amazing! Let me just say it was like a spa day! Well spa hour minus the zap gun, more on that in a bit. Let me walk you through this event. :)
Sign in, wait. I'm a little nervous as I don't know what to expect. I had my assessment and had to do some funny faces for a therapist yesterday but..oh they just called my name, it's this cute guy, late 20's, early 30's? smells Nice,about 5'10, could use some more meat on his ribs but not a total eye sore. Takes me to a pumpkin colored room, with a standard exam table draped in a white sheet, looks pretty clinical in there, pictures and diagrams of muscles on the wall. He asks me to make some faces, tells me these are my "warm up" exercises and should practice them at home. He also says, " I'm going to put a heating pad then I'm going to shoot you with a gun". "What?" "oh you'll see." He continues to get some stuff ready.

Ladies...the lights dimmed. My feet raised. The heating pad applied, the smell of alcohol waifed through the air (did I mention I like the smell of alcohol pads and Clorox? weird huh?) and relaxation music played (read elevator music) total and complete zen. Ding. Times up.
My ten minutes of zen were up lights back on. He walked in with a yellow stun gun and was aiming it at my face. ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! 15 minutes of involuntary muscle contractions ZAP! each ZAP! was making my face ZAP! contort ZAP! into ZAP! a mutant freak and it wasn't very comfortable! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! finally it was over! whew.

LADIES!!! ATTENTION! The ehhem Therapist (he by the way was a complete professional) then continued to apply lotion to my zapped face and UNgently MASSAGE my very sore face. He applied using his entire hand, not just his fingertips, and was firm, using both hands, rubbing yet not rubbing the cream INTO my skin. It was somehow very sexy. I have to keep in mind that this is Physical THERAPYYYYYY.
Understand I'm very uncomfortable with touch and for a stranger to be touching my face OH noooo. but this is a technique that certainly could replace well lets not go that far, but could ENHANCE foreplay lol. anyway where the heck am I going with this. Oh yes. The massage was stimulating, the end. :D

:) I can't wait to smile :)

Between you and I...I don't smile very often, I don't think i do anyway, I'm a serious person, unless I'm tipsy then whoo hooo!!! I'm grinning and laughing!!!

This Bell's Palsy has taught me one thing. I don't smile enough. Do you? I walk right by people and not greet them or smile to say good morning, have a good one, go fuck yourself, nothing.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
This is week three of this Bell's crap and it is getting OLD. I start physical therapy this afternoon and I have no idea what to expect. I'm all done with my meds for it though.

I promise myself and to all those people that I come across that I will greet them with a big smile and I will try to smile often! Lesson learned.
Oh and I will try not to worry about wrinkles around my lips :D

Dr's Orders

So, today I went to see a weight loss specialist. An actual physician who specializes on this stuff. My friend and I amazed by another friends results decided to bite the bullet and go check it out. Mind you we have been working out. I have been going over to her house and doing the P90X workout and I have been doing something else in the evening, racquetball or treadmill or Zumba or yoga or whatever.
Anyway we go see this doctor we step on the fat-o-meter she has 15 pounds of fat to lose and her BMI is around 30. I have 70 pounds to lose and my BMI is 49. Holy crap. The program is explained we decide to enroll. Basically it's a shot of b12 and some super other stuff per week, some chromium and some super diuretic, plus a stimulant. The jerk off doctor doesn't know I'm a nurse, doesn't know I'm already on a stimulant oh and by the way this damn stimulant interacts with my other meds I'm taking to keep me slightly less neurotic than I naturally am. So naturally he gives me a lower dose. :) problem solved NOT. After giving us the nice bag full of supplements he proceeds to tell us about the DIET the 1200/calorie/day DIET :) I ask doctor, wouldn't we lose weight on 1200 cals a day ANYWAY without the supplements. He says "no" The injection, supplement and diet is the perfection combination for weight loss. Yeah right.

Like I said NO MAGIC BULLET just diet and exercise. I might go for the b12 shot because of the energy boost, not once a week as he recommends, but once a month. I left a little annoyed but we enjoyed salad and bread sticks at Olive Garden Yum, And tomorrow we shall work out and my skinny friend can bitch about her little loaf of Fat while I moan about my mountains of fat rolls and drink Starbucks and laugh at the Real housewives of orange county reruns. :D no magic bullet doc, good try though.

YARRGGG ok so here it is!!

I said I wasn't! But here I am anyway!!!stooopid resolutions!
Forget everything I said before about not doing them...here it is people.

So I'm thinking and plotting. I call my girlfriend Shanie up. We decide we're gonna workout at 9 AM after dropping our kids off at school. Our Goal? to lose 10 percent of our body weight. There has to be an incentive right? So we're gonna treat ourselves...nope, no ice cream or lava food cake here! Our treat?

Have you ever wished your hair was more manageable? Softer? Straighter? Had more shine? The Salon at ULTA has an answer: Keratin Smoothing Treatment by Coppola.

(not pushing ulta, promise)

To understand the need of this procedure one must be looking at this monstrosity as it types. My roots are over grown by AT LEAST one inch with wirier greys sticking out, my flat iron is SCARED to touch my hair at this point. I am in desperate need people. My next step is a do rag or one of those little barrettes the artists wear...hmmm that's an idea.

I want to also document to fatness to not so fattylicious but this is your warning. you will be shocked. and possibly say "oh no she didn't show off the cottage cheese inside those stretch marks!"

Viewer beware. Umm next time.I will brave the scale in about an hour for an accurate PRE-WEIGHT yikes.

Happy New Fantastic Year!!!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic day and a great start to the new year! Can you believe it's 2010????
I'm trying not to freak out and remain calm. So, okay it means it's time to bring out the new calendars, no big deal, right? BUT, we have been conditioned to SET resolutions.
Like last year I resolved not to be so dang judgemental. it worked for about 6 months, then here I am casting judgement on everything and everyone that deems it! So I wonder is it even worth it???
I won't resolve to lose weight this year. I'm wanting to get my cholesterol down, but do I really need a new year to do that? I want to get healthier, be a better mom, read more often, laugh harder, on and on but will switching calenders be the magic bullet I've been looking for or is it a placebo that makes it easier to start these plans with? Okay so here we go with all these resolutions, yet again. Maybe this will be the year I do become a better person with a better cholesterol level?!?

Oh by the way..here is an update on the Damn Cat. She totally melts my heart and I love her so much. Her name I think is Kitty. She doesn't like baths but she needs them especially when she runs outside and rolls around on the concrete. She loves being held in the towel after her bath!

(I'm trying to smile but the right side of my right face is still paralyzed with the Bells Palsy. I truly am NOT being a smart ass! )